Urban Homesteading for All

In the few years, Halifax Public Libraries has received a series of new books documenting the urban homesteading movement. With titles like, Plowing with Pigs: and other creative, low-budget homesteading solutions (M) by Oscar H. Will (2013), and Urban Homesteading: heirloom skills for sustainable living (M) by Rachel Kaplan and K. Ruby (2011), these books carry a lot of appeal to city-dwellers like me, who are interested in learning creative ways to become more self-sufficient.

The kinds of skills taught in these books, including edible landscaping and other forms of home- and community-based food production, were not passed down in my family when I was growing up. Although my grandfather was well-known among his neighbours for his inventive reuse of everyday objects, (the semi-practical folk art that littered his property was a constant source of irritation to my grandmother), my own homesteading skills are rudimentary, to say the least.

In the interest of reducing my household expenses while improving the quality of the food I provide for my family, I have steadily increased the variety of food that I make myself instead of relying so much on store-bought items. This year, my son and I were fortunate to acquire a small garden plot at a local community garden organized by a group of our neighbours. Since I have very little gardening experience, I have no expectations for this autumn's yield but I hope that by next year, we will be able to produce enough organically-grown vegetables to eliminate at least some of what I would normally purchase at the corporate grocery store nearest to me.

I was interested then, to come across an article on homesteading from the Winter 2012 edition of Bitch: feminist response to pop culture magazine (copies of which are housed at Spring Garden Road Library). In Co-opting the Coop: what's the real cost of homesteading's new hipness?, Marianne Kirby offers a critical take on the urban homesteading movement:

Mainstream cultural emphasis on this “new” homesteading vs. the continuity of traditional skills fostered out of necessity erases the history of homesteading in America. When we talk about the mainstream resurgence of craftwork and Pin-able, packageable skills, we need to acknowledge the foundation of these practices as poor skills—survival skills and “alternate” techniques for accessing food, shelter, and power primarily practiced by those with marginal or nonexistent incomes.

What distinguishes the modern urban homesteading movement from subsistence practices preserved by marginalized communities, Kirby argues, is that it is marketed to affluent individuals and their families.

Kirby concludes that when privileged folks are held up as the experts on homesteading skills, the efforts of those marginalized people who have worked to maintain these skills are rendered invisible. Frustratingly, this trend may actually create obstacles for those people in struggle whose life quality could actually be improved by the knowledge contained in the books and blogs that characterize the urban homesteading movement.

For those of us who share the values associated with urban homesteading - self-sufficiency, environmental responsibility - the Library can be a valuable and accessible resource for taking action. Readers can freely borrow books like Plowing with Pigs and others, like, Gardening Projects for Kids: 101 ways to get kids outside, dirty, and having fun (M) by Whitney Cohen and John Fisher (2012); and Don't Throw That Away (M) by Jeff Yeager (2012).

Interest in community gardens in HRM is high and demand is currently outpacing supply. The Library maintains a list of community gardens in HRM in our Discover catalog under "Community Groups/Programs". The friendly staff at the Information Desk of your local branch can direct you to programs and resources (like this one) that can help get your project off the ground.

With a little research and a bit of help, your community can transform urban homesteading from a consumer-driven trend to a real social movement that benefits everyone.

Gender Failure: Trans Literature

A couple of months ago, I found a notice in The Coast about an event to be held at the Bus Stop Theatre in Halifax. Rae Spoon and Ivan E. Coyote were in town to perform a multimedia show to launch their book, Gender Failure (2014). I was free but not in the mood to have my inflexible and uninformed ideas about transgender challenged on that particular evening. Not that I would have explained my reluctance to attend in these words. Not on that particular evening.

Two months later, a colleague suggested the book to me. She had been reading it herself and thought that I might find it interesting. I took this as a sign to reconsider. I placed a hold on Gender Failure with a more open mind.

Although I've since read other books on the same theme that I enjoyed more (like S. Bear Berman's The Nearest Exit May be Behind You (2009), Gender Failure made an impression on me.


Anyone familiar with Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Queer/Trans/Intersex literature (or who shares this experience themselves) may appreciate how unstable are the boundaries between genders and sexual orientations. Feminist academics have been theorizing about gender as performance for decades. This is the idea that we are all, in a sense, "passing" as men or women, boys or girls, as we try and try again (and sometimes fail) to appear and behave according to culturally accepted norms around masculinity and femininity.

In Gender Failure, Spoon writes about "gender retirement", which Spoon describes as "the refusal to identify myself within the gender binary." Spoon, who identifies as transgender, also prefers to be referred to by gender-neutral pronouns, such as "they", "them", and "their", instead of "he" or "she". They explain that

the whole point of changing my pronoun to the gender-neutral 'they' was to state that I feel like neither. Yet almost every day, I am expected to declare myself as either a man or a woman or, at the very least, somewhere in the spectrum in between. To me, gender retirement is very much about refusing to be put on that spectrum.

Spoon argues that this kind of retirement plan should be available to anyone who doesn't want to be limited by the restrictions of gender roles, be they masculine or feminine.

I loved this idea of retiring from gender, which Spoon doesn't necessarily limit to those who identify as trans. As someone who has tried (and failed) for decades to, in Bergman's words "set about changing what it means to be a girl." I felt amazed and empowered by the discovery of all that I have to learn from trans writers like Spoon and Coyote and Bergman. There is a wealth of fascinating and enlightening literature here.

Happy Pride!

Graphic Parenting: New Books

Two of my favourite graphic novelists have published new books on the subject of parenting (kind of a big deal in my life, as the mother of a four-year-old). Although the parent/child relationship is the subject of both books, Alison Bechdel and Guy Delisle approach the topic from two very different perspectives.

The title of Bechdel's Are You My Mother?: a comic drama (M) reworks P.D. Eastman's classic children's book by the same name. Applying ideas developed by the 20th-century psychoanalyst Donald Winnicot (perhaps best known for his concept of the "good enough mother"), Bechdel tries to make sense of her mother's life and their complicated relationship. It's a touching and satisfying follow-up to her last graphic memoir, Fun Home: A family tragicomic, which focused on Bechdel's relationship with her father.

Guy Delisle may be best known for his graphic travelogues, in which he records his unique outsider's perspective of places like Pyongyang (2005), Burma (2008), and Jerusalem (2012). When I noticed that he had published a parenting memoir, I was quick to suggest that the Library purchase a copy. A User's Guide to Neglectful Parenting (M) is appalling, shocking, hilarious and entirely too short; a great antidote for any parental guilt you might be carrying. Anything you've done to your kids is unlikely to top Delisle's chainsaw prank!

Although not new, I would be remiss not to mention another "family" favourite, the comic Cul-de-Sac (M), by Richard Thompson.

Rebus is Back!

I recall my reaction on spotting the latest in Ian Rankin's award-winning Inspector Rebus series; it was something along the lines of, *Gasp* "Squeeeee!". At which point, I lunged at the bookshelf and immediately turned to check out the book from the library. After 25 years of publishing the series, Standing in Another Man's Grave (M) is Rankin's 18th Rebus novel and one I wasn't sure I would ever see.

In 2007, Rankin retired his best-known literary character, Detective Inspector John Rebus, when Rebus reached the age of 60, the mandatory retirement age for Scottish police officers. (Apparently one Scottish MP joked that the limit ought to be raised to 65, so that Rebus might keep his job). Book 17, Exit Music, ended dramatically enough; with Rebus desperately trying to shake life into the body of his long-time nemesis, crime boss Morris Gerald "Big Ger" Cafferty, after he flatlined in hospital. After such a shocking scene, I admit that I couldn't quite accept that Rebus was gone for good. I scoured the Novelist database for Rankin read-alikes, like Ken Bruen, until I had read all of their books, too. Yet, according to an interview Rankin gave to the Hindustan Times in 2010, "Rebus is merely retired not dead. He is working with the police department as a civilian. He lives in a compartment in my head, waiting patiently to be brought back to life."

Civilian life suits Rebus. Although still as reckless as ever, Rebus' status as a civilian staffer with Edinburgh's cold case unit allows him a little more freedom. Rankin adds a psychologically interesting element to the novel when Rebus' path crosses that of another Rankin character, DI Malcolm Fox from the Complaints and Conduct Department of Lothian and Borders Police (The Complaints, 2009). As the plot develops, so do Rankin's characters (including Scotland itself). In a book review published on the New Zealand music website,  The Coast, the writer comments that,

The inspector seems to gain as much pleasure from sticking it to the man as he does the work of policing, and as the plot thickens and twists Rebus becomes more relaxed, inclined to wax philosophical, the only hint of tension visible in his ubiquitous drinking. As Rebus reflects on the literal and emotional mileage of the investigation, it occurs to him that while “he had always thought of roads as simple, mute entities . . . he knew differently now – they had individual identities and foibles.” Even as he approaches his twilight years, his restlessness is unabated.

Reading Standing in Another Man's Grave, I felt as restless as Rebus. I found myself looking for opportunities to read snatches of text whenever I had a spare moment. It's a quick read and hard to put down; I'm already looking ahead to number 19 ....

Serial Reader: Magazines at the Library

As someone who works in a public library, I am - as you might expect - surrounded by books all the time. I really am spoilt for choice and so my reading habits tend to be somewhat random.

Lately though, I seem to be having a hard time getting into any of the books I bring home. I leaf through a few pages and then I forget about the book until it's time to return it to the library. As a working mom of a young child, I sometimes have difficulty finding the time or the focus to settle into a good book. Instead, I've been voraciously reading some of the great magazines to which Halifax Public Libraries subscribes.

Last summer, Kristina P. profiled some of the literary magazines carried in our libraries. My interests tend more toward social and political analysis, however. David Hansen turned me on to The Economist (M), which provides in-depth analysis of international politics and finance. The Atlantic (M), another favourite, examines both national (U.S.) and international current events from a broader perspective that includes stories about cultural and tech-trends. The magazine I like best, however, is Mother Jones (M).

Describing itself as an independent news organization that features "smart, fearless journalism", Mother Jones publishes breaking news and investigative articles on politics, human rights, the environment, labour issues, and culture. It was through Mother Jones that I first learned about the appalling working conditions of warehouse workers who fill online orders for big internet retailers like Amazon.com ("I was a Warehouse Wage Slave"); where I discovered what happens to teenage girls who are sent to poorly regulated "troubled teen" homes in the U.S. ("Escape from Missouri"); and where I read about how a group of ex-Marines could hold the key to curing breast cancer ("The Few. The Proud. The Afflicted"). Although most of the in-depth articles focus on stories from the U.S., Mother Jones makes for fascinating reading about subjects that are often missed in more mainstream news publications.

Whether you're looking to become more informed (Maclean's, Mother Jones), entertained (People Weekly, Rolling Stone), or inspired (O, the Oprah Magazine, Bust), there are magazines to suit every interest at the library!

The Library's Buddhist Collection: New Books

Even if you're not interested in Buddhism, most Haligonians have heard of Shambhala, the school they run in the city's north end, and maybe even the organization's place in the publishing world (Shambhala published two of the books in my list, below). Shambhala/Buddhism is BIG in Halifax. Zen Buddhists looking for community and guidance from a teacher can turn to the Atlantic Soto Zen Centre, among others. Beyond these two groups, your options for a Buddhist sangha in the city are somewhat narrow. As a practitioner in the Theravadan Buddhist tradition, I usually turn to books and podcasts for formal instruction.

As a source of books by Buddhist teachers, libraries are an important part of my practice. Halifax Public Libraries has a wealth of material in the Buddhist (and other faith-based) literature. I've included a few recent titles that have caught my attention, here.

Noah Levine has a new book out: The Heart of the Revolution: the Buddha's radical teachings on forgiveness, compassion, and kindness (M) (2011). Levine initiated the global Dharma Punx movement with the publication of his first book, Dharma Punx: a memoir (M), in 2003. Family friend Jack Kornfield contributed the Foreward to Levine's second book, which is described in the summary as "a hip and edgy instruction manual on how to apply Buddhist practices to daily challenges."

While I'm not a yogi myself, I am curious about the intersection between yoga and Buddhism. In Awake in the World: teachings from Yoga & Buddhism for living an engaged life (M) (2011), Michael Stone (a yoga and meditation teacher and a psychotherapist) notes the connections between yoga and Buddhist thinking with the aim of encouraging community engagement toward a more just and caring society.

Ordinary Recovery: mindfulness, alcoholism, and the path of lifelong sobriety (M) (2010) by William Alexander is a revised edition of his 1997 text, Cool Water. Tricycle Magazine hosted a discussion about the book on its website.

I'm particularly happy to see that the Library has added to its collection of books by and about women and Buddhism, including Buddhism Through American Women's Eyes (M) (2010), edited by Karma Lekshe Tsomo; composed of a series of essays that explore how Buddhism relates to the reality of women's experiences. Less recent but still worth investigating is Woman Awake: women practicing Buddhism (M) (2005) by Christina Feldman, a discussion of how Buddhist practice can help women to critically reflect on the ways in which gendered socialization can limit women's social and spiritual development.

_/|\_

Bodacious Books for Non-Bogus Babes: Kids' Books That Don't Suck

A while ago I wrote a post about Kick A** Kids' Music; essentially, I reviewed music geared for children that parents could also enjoy (other readers and I continue to add new titles in the comments section of this post). The other day, I discovered an awesome picture book on the shelves of my local Library that inspired me to write a post about kids' books.

When I pulled Dude: fun with Dude and Betty (M) by Lisa Pliscou and Tom Dunne from the shelf, I literally shrieked with laughter, alarming a nearby Library Clerk. From the cover you can tell where the authors are going with this: Dude is a Dick and Jane-styled picture book, with a twist. Instead of learning the basics of ordinary vocabulary and sentence structure, Pliscou teaches kids (and parents!) surf-speak.

First, we're introduced to our protagonist:

Here is Dude.

Hey, Dude. What's up?

Dude is a way cool guy.

Later on, the action picks up:

See Dude surf.

Whoa!

Look at Dude surf.

Surf, Dude, surf.

My favourite passage involves the introduction of conflict to the story line:

'Dude,' says Father, 'have you cleaned your room?'

'Dude,' says Mother, 'have you done your homework?'

Oh, oh!

What a gnarly scene.

It is time to bail.

Bail, Dude, bail!

Excellent.

For those of us who are new to surf-speak, Pliscou helpfully provides a glossary of surf terms in the back of the book. This was especially useful to me, as I have apparently been misusing the word "gnarly" for years. ("Gnarly: When describing waves: big and very tough to surf. In a general sense, describes something really bad or difficult").

My own son (2 years), enjoyed the pacing, brightly-coloured and simple pictures in the Dick and Jane-style, as well as the unusual words (stokaboka!). Since I am familiar with the original Dick and Jane series, this playful tribute/parody was equally pleasing to me, the person who has to read the thing over and over again.

Dude now holds a place of honour on my list of bodacious books for kids. Other worthy titles include, Grumpy Bird (M) by Jeremy Tankard and Mo Willems' various children's series, including Knuffle Bunny (M) Elephant & Piggie (M), The Pigeon (M), and Cat the Cat (M).

Your Life in 6 Words

This is another gem I stumbled across while lurking in the stacks at my local library: It All Changed in an Instant: more six word memoirs by writers famous & obscure (2010), the latest in a series published by SMITH Magazine.

In the Introduction, the editors relate the legend of how the short-short story came to be. Apparently, Ernest Hemingway was called out in a bar bet to write a novel in six words. True or not, the story is heart-breaking: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

There are plenty more like this in It All Changed in an Instant. Like the title says, both the famous and the not-so-famous have contributed stories to this project. Some of my favourites include:

Said vagina more than necessary. Vagina. -Sarah Silverman

Mommy, why won't Daddy wake up? -James DiGiovanna

I'm from Flint. You are, too. -Michael Moore

Said I walked into wall. Lied. -Julianne Pepitone

Could be poop, could be chocolate. -Erin Kennedy

As you can tell, in this book you'll find wit, insight, and gut-wrenching sadness. It's a fascinating glimpse into the lives of others that will get you thinking about how your own life might be represented in six words.

The challenge of reducing a life down to just a few words is an interesting one. You really have to think about which experiences impacted you most. It's actually a fun tool for personal reflection. I came up with a couple over breakfast and posted them online to SMITH Magazine's website.The magazine has so far received more than 250, 000 six-word memoirs from the community of storytellers who have signed up at SMITHMag.net and SMITHTeens.com. Many of these stories have ended up in one of their collections.

Check out the entire series: Six-Word Memoirs on L ove & Heartbreak (2009), I Can't Keep my Own Secrets : Six-word memoirs by teens famous & obscure (2009), and the original, Not Quite What I was Planning (2008).

5 Books I Want to Read this Summer - Zoey's Picks

My summer reading list is heavy with non-fiction: I'm trying to become more informed in two particular subject areas: Buddhism and anarchism. But my study habits aren't terribly disciplined and I've snuck in a few mindless indulgences, just for fun.

I'm currently reading two brand-spankin' new publications: Noah Levine's The Heart of the Revolution (2011) and Property is Theft!: a Pierre-Joseph Proudhon reader (2011), edited by Iain McKay. The Heart of the Revolution, Levine's latest book, is getting a lot of attention in Buddhist circles (search #theheartoftherevolution on Twitter) and even has its own discussion page on the Tricycle website.

Although both authors draw on ideas and practices that have been around a while (the Buddha lived 2500 years ago, Proudhon died in 1865), Levine and McKay ably demonstrate the vitality and relevance of these figures in our own time period.

After having been recently introduced to the genre of Scandinavian crime fiction, I've discovered Yrsa Sigurðardóttir's Thóra Gudmundsdóttir series. The second in this series, My Soul to Take (2009), is now beckoning to me from my bedside table. Although this genre is completely new to me, I was attracted by descriptions of the main character, Gudmundsdóttir, whom Sigurðardóttir has conceived as a lawyer, investigator, and single mother.

For husband, I brought home a copy of Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: the best of McSweeney's humor category (2005), edited by Dave Eggers [et al.]. He's been reading me the best bits (including, "Words That Would Make Nice Names for Babies, If It Weren't for Their Unsuitable Meanings": e.g., Feta, Calorie). I think I'll have to look through it myself before I return it to the library.

I thought I'd kicked my spy thriller habit after The Nearest Exit (2010), the second book in Olen Steinhauer's Mo Weaver trilogy (at least until number 3 comes out), and then I came across Otto Penzler's dramatically titled collection Agents of Treachery (2010). [Cue dramatic music] *DUN DUN DUN!* Steinhauer is included here (yea!), as are stories by Lee Child and Stella Rimington.

Now all I need is a deserted beach and a cocktail....

Meditate & Destroy: Dharma Punx

I'm a late-comer to the Dharma Punx phenomenon: the socio-cultural-spiritual movement sparked by Noah Levine's memoir by that name. Published in 2003, Dharma Punx recounts his personal transformation from a life of self-destruction - culminating in a suicide attempt and incarceration in a padded cell - to his current incarnation as a spiritual teacher and author.

Although the punk ethic and sub-culture provided a framework for Levine's early disenchantment with the dominant culture in the U.S., the nihilist ideology represented by his favourite punk bands promised no future. It was the simple meditation instructions offered by Levine's father, the prominent Buddhist teacher Stephen Levine, that helped to bring him back from the brink.

The book succeeds as a memoir, with lots of detail about the author's internal and external struggles to turn his life around. We're with Levine as he strives (and stumbles) toward developing the discipline that will support his recovery from addiction and guide him in learning how to live a meaningful life.

Although some reviewers consider the book somewhat repetitive, Levine's accessible writing style, his openness, and his punk credibility have attracted a following in the United States and around the world, (including right here in Halifax). Kids like Levine's younger self, who reject dominant cultural values (e.g., conformity, consumer capitalism) have, through Levine's book, been introduced to an ethic with the same anti-authoritarian, experimental spirit as punk. While both punk and Buddhist Dharma (in Pali, Dhamma) point out the problems with conventional thinking, Levine argues that only the Dharma offers hope for lasting happiness, now and in the future.

The Library has recently ordered Dharma Punx as well as Noah Levine's most recent book, The Heart of the Revolution (2011). Levine's DVD, Meditate and Destroy: A documentary on punk rock, spirituality and inner rebellion (2009) is currently available through the Library's catalogue.

Staff Pick - A Dangerous Woman: the graphic biography of Emma Goldman by Sharon Rudahl

Reflecting on the present federal election campaign, I decided to brush up on my political history. In my research, I came across a graphic biography of my favourite anarchist, Emma Goldman. Wry political comments (like, "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal") attributed to Goldman have helped to keep her ideas in circulation although it's been more than 70 years since her death.

In A Dangerous Woman (2007) author and illustrator Sharon Rudahl fills 112 pages with swirling black and white drawings and dizzying details from the life of the famous activist.

Born in (what is now) Lithuania in 1869, Goldman observed and endured the hardships imposed on working people by Tsars, Presidents, and capitalists alike during her 71 years. From an early age, Goldman's innate sense of justice compelled her to speak out against exploitation and oppression of all kinds. An early advocate of family planning and open relationships, Goldman's politics earned her the title "the most dangerous woman in America" from her critics.

During the Panic of 1893, Goldman encouraged the unemployed to take direct action to help themselves: "demonstrate before the palaces of the rich; demand work. If they do not give you work, demand bread. If they deny you both, take bread." Truly a courageous and dedicated woman, she was imprisoned several times on charges of "inciting to riot" and for her efforts to distribute information about birth control. Rudahl's drawings manage to bring to life each of these chapters from Goldman's life with a style that is completely absorbing.

Although she wrote and spoke extensively on a variety of topics, Goldman is best known for the anarchist beliefs she developed through the influences of early anarchist thinkers like Mikhail Bakunin and Peter Kropotkin. Goldman's anarchism was uniquely personal, however. Responding to a comrade's criticism of her dancing at a public event, Goldman wrote in her autobiography Living My Life (1931) that,

"I did not believe that a Cause which stood for a beautiful ideal, for anarchism, for release and freedom from conventions and prejudice, should demand denial of life and joy. I insisted that our Cause could not expect me to behave as a nun and that the movement should not be turned into a cloister. If it meant that, I did not want it. "I want freedom, the right to self-expression, everybody's right to beautiful, radiant things."

You can find Living My Life among the Library's holdings. In addition, a number of newer books on anarchism have recently been ordered by the Library; like Noam Chomsky's Chomsky on Anarchism (2005), Peter Marshall's Demanding the Impossible: a history of anarchism, and Property is Theft!: a Pierre Proudhon reader (2011).

For the technically-savvy reader, The Anarchist Library has a wealth of e-books available for free download (including 34 texts by Emma Goldman). Other helpful sites to explore on this subject: The Anarchy Archives, The Institute for Anarchist Studies, flag.blackened.net, and, notably, The Emma Goldman Papers.

Kick-A** Kids' Music (....for parents)

When pressed, I will admit to having a soft spot for Raffi ("Banana Phone" has inspired some entertaining variations online). Like many parents, however, children's music is something I suffer through for my kid's sake. (I sometimes hide the really saccharine stuff.)

In my son's second year, I remembered a story I had heard broadcast on the CBC's Definitely Not the Opera about alternative kids' music and, after a little digging on Google, I rediscovered Somebody Needs a Timeout, a 2-CD benefit compilation from 2002 featuring 41 Canadian artists.

This find led to other gems including Snacktime by the Barenaked Ladies ("7 8 9" is requested by my son at least 10 times a day), They Might be Giants' many children's albums - I especially enjoy No! and Here Come the 123s - and my particular favourite, The Bottle Let Me Down: songs for bumpy wagon rides.

The Bottle Let Me Down is a kick-a** collection of alt-country music that will have the whole family up and stomping around the living room. My 20-month-old son and I doe-see-doe to "Hinky Dinky Dee" by One Riot One Ranger (it's his second-favourite song after the Ladies' "7 8 9"), while my partner and I gleefully sing along to Robbie Fulks' rather un-P.C. song, "Godfrey".

Thankfully, plenty of other musicians are responding to the desperation parents like us feel to find "kids' music that doesn't suck"; there's even a Facebook group by this name. If you've come across an album that's worth mentioning, please, PLEASE submit it in the comments. My partner and I thank-you.

Hard Core Parenting Stories

So, I'm a newish mom and like a lot of new parents I'm often drawn to parenting memoirs that reflect on the transition to parenthood and the personal joys and challenges inherent in this experience. I've blogged a little about the subject on this site and while I don't really want to make a habit of it, recently I have come across a couple of books in the genre that really are worth mentioning.

The first is entitled Afterbirth: stories you WON'T read in a parenting magazine (2009), edited by Dani Klein Modisett, and she really means it. The authors of this collection, drawn largely from the entertainment industry (television writers, producers, playwrights, and comics, among others), share brutally honest passages from their experiences as parents. As someone who just doesn't see herself reflected in the tiresomely conventional images of motherhood that appear on the covers of popular parenting magazines, this book came as something of a breakthrough for me.

There is a trend toward confessional parenting books in which the author brags about what a bad mom or dad they are, usually to comic effect. In Bad Mother: a chronicle of maternal crimes, minor calamities, and occasional moments of grace (2009), author Ayelet Waldman argues that this is actually driven from a deep sense of shame born of the author's own perceived inadequacies as a parent. Waldman herself seems to share these feelings; reading about her simpering responses to random strangers who offer unsolicited parenting advice, I wanted to smack some self-respect into her. This is not an approach I can relate to. I had to put the book down.

I'm the kind of mom who body blocks the little beasts who try to run over and through my 19-month old at "unsupervised" indoor play parks. I call the police when drivers cut me off while I'm walking with the stroller. No random stranger has yet attempted to offer me parenting advice (though I think I'd have some fun with that if they tried). In short, a poor self-image is not my issue.

However, as a more "mature" mom (in age, at least), adapting to the dramatic change in lifestyle that parenting can bring has been a challenge. Apparently, I do not handle frustration well. There have been times when I have felt so overwhelmed by the emotion that I have pounded my fist into the floor of our apartment while the baby's back was turned. Then I read Jason Nash's chapter in Afterbirth; "Ten Months In". He's a television writer who came to fatherhood reluctantly. In his essay, Nash recalls a particularly difficult time in his life when his career was at a low point:

My son started crying and wouldn't stop. My failure, my life, the feeling that everything was finished came to a head.

I put my son down in his crib. Then, enraged, I punched a giant hole through the door to his room. One time. Boom! Again. Boom! And again. Screaming [...] each time, letting everything out. I knew I was doing it. I knew I wasn't hurting the baby, but I was so mad I wanted my wife to see my anger. I wanted to tell her, "You took my [...] life away and this is what you get. A hole in the door of your perfect baby's room, in your perfect house."

And I turned and saw my son and he was so scared. And for the first time, it clicked. That I was wrong. That I was part of something larger now. That I was being a selfish [...] and it didn't matter how my career ended up. I grabbed him, held him and just cried. The next week I went into therapy and started a massive overhaul of myself. [Expletives deleted.]

This is powerful stuff. This is the real work of parenting, when you finally realize that you're the one who needs to grow up.

The topics covered in this collection vary from how to handle a young bully ("What Grown-Ups Do"), to the obstacles of raising a boy free of gender stereotypes ("Oliver's Pink Bicycle"), to negotiating the issue of your children's privacy ("Reading Her Journal"). There is humour here. There's also plenty of honesty, insight, love, courage, and compassion.

The Library has other titles along these lines. I'd recommend The Hip Mama Survival Guide (1998), Essential Hip Mama: writing from the cutting edge of parenting (2004), and really, anything by the awesome Ariel Gore, founder of the Hip Mama zine. Also, don't overlook Sh*t My Dad Says (2010) by Justin Halpern which offers some inspiring reflections on his father's rather ... um ... blunt parenting style.